There is a phenomenon that happens when you get above the age of 25 years old. Suddenly, you go from people saying “you are so young, and have so much time don’t worry about trying to find love and settle down.” To: “so who are you dating?” “Why are you single?” “You should find someone and settle down?” “The clock is ticking.” Blah, blah, blah… eye roll. I mean I have even had my gynaecologist tell me that “[I] need to get serious about dating, and marriage if I want children in my life.” And I’m below 30. Even the most independent minded woman will find these society pressures annoying. Why does the prospect of being alone as we age bother us so much? If it doesn’t bother us, why does it bother some of our friends and family that we are happy alone? Should we blame it on literature? Society? Evolution?
Well a combination. Remember nature vs nurture? It is within human nature to crave the company of others; after all we needed that for survival. Also, it is good for your mental well-being to connect with others. We are in essence semi pack animals. So it quite naturally bothers us to be alone for long periods of time; unless you’re a hermit which is cool too. But the connection our nature craves, doesn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand with romantic love. A person can live a perfectly happy, fulfilled life sans a “one true love”. Living alone, and having their human connection with friends, and family; in platonic love. You can even raise children, or as parents put it “have a family of your own”, without romantic love; or the presence of a life partner. Life is a custom built situation after all.
The bothering aspect of being without “ones true love” comes from the nurture side. For the most part, we are raised with a nuclear family group. Being told through religion, and by society that two monogamous parents, 2.5 children and white picket fence is what we need to aspire to. And, that our eccentric aunt that lives alone is to be pitied for she did not fulfil these requirements. Movies, and literature hardly ever advocate for lone wolf lifestyles. Unless it’s a lone wolf, rebellious hero dishing out justice. In fairy tales the woman that lives alone into old age is usually a societal outcast, or witch to be feared. Not having romantic love bothers us, because we have been told it should.
Many people will jump up and down now saying that it is not just the romantic love we miss but the “soul connection” and physical aspect of such love. (Another eye roll) Soul connection? Don’t you have that with your close friends or family? Soul connections aren’t just romantic things. Feeling that you’re truly seen or understood can and should come with friendships. Soul Sisters ring a bell?
The physical aspect? Since when are love and sex mutually inclusive? Alone and horny? Get an App take Mr/Ms Right Swipe, get your kicks. Not keen, on Right Swiping? Friends with benefits is a legitimate option. Swingers clubs have seen a spike in popularity over recent years. As long as you are playing safely you don’t have to worry. Or toys, lots and lots of toys. Personally I recommend the Womanizer – all the orgasms none of the relationship weight gain. If someone emerges that falls head of heals for you – great, amazing, hallelujah. If not? So what. You won’t be any less for it. If someone finds out and judges you, then Marie Kondo them – they aren’t bringing you joy, so turf them.
We as women need to realise that sex, and love are not one and the same – men seem to have this waxed. If you’re missing one; you’re not always missing out. This isn’t giving up on love; it’s just not letting love rule you – men also seem to have this waxed.
So stop making the great search for “The One” a stressor in life. Let’s face it, they are probably not out there stressing about it. Also, there might be more than one. If you are happy, and comfortable in your solitude, don’t let societal pressure ruin your fun. Just go with it.